I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
