we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
