This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
