so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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