i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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