She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
ttyl tear gas
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
