Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize