Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
