I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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