dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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