my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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