I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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