you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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