I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So here I am, sexting at work.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
