I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
