My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
