All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
