and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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