we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
