rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
