Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
