Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
