My liver just broke up with me...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Boobs speak an international language.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
