fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
