i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize