Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
