you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
