I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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