Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
