If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
