I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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