Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
