I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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