i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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