He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
