your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize