You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
