He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
