Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
