3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
