I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize