Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
