I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize