So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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