youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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