Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
