I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
