You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
