Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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