erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
