I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
