How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Let's get the cat blown out
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
