Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We have so much sex to catch up on
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This is classic penis vs brain.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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