Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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