i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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