I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
