by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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