you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
