I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
