Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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