idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
