I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
