If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
