hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
