I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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