is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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