I looked at my own cervix.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
