I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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