my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
