They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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