If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
